welp

i apologize in advanced if this post is badly written, because i am not eloquent which you probably know by now).

i finished watching Deathly Hallows part 2 about an hour ago, and i've started thinking about a few things. namely 1) how much my life has changed since i really got back into HP and 2) how becoming reattached to these characters in such a short amount of time may have torn my heart into pieces.

i've been an HP fan since i was 13 or so, and i've gone in and out of the fandom a few times since then. i wasn't much of a potterhead back then, and i didn't really get a lot of things*. i didn't really get into it hardcore until last year when i got into tumblr. and then i dove in head first. honestly, i'm really glad that it's been that way because i have so many people to talk to now, on top of gaining a connection to the characters.** and it's changed me in a good way, i think. ever since i saw DH part 2, i've been a lot more open about my emotions, mostly when it comes to crying. it feels good to be in fandom.

but then there's the downside (sort of). if my archive is anything to go by, i dived into the fandom around june, which is a month before DH part 2 came out. in the course of a month or maybe a  month and a half, i get totally invested in a cast of characters who were either going to die or get extremely close. that's going pretty hard on yourself imo. even without having grown up with HP like other have***, i still felt like i lost a big part of my family. i suffered from post-potter depression and i wasn't even aware of it. to gain all of those things in the course of a month, just to see most of it get taken a way in 2.5 hours. it hurt really bad. so while i'm really grateful for getting into HP again, maybe i should have done it so fast.

but then again, maybe it was best this way...

mood: good, surprisingly
listening to: nick jr (it's on commercial)

* i didn't get dressing up for premieres or midnight showings. oddly enough, i totally got fanfic...
** i'm sure most potterheads know that feeling, when the trio or whoever you love become your friends in the absence of tangible people.
*** i was 13 in 2004/5 and read them in the course of my 8th grade year. i didn't see any of the films in theaters until HBP.